Fred’s Cozy Little Nook

Well now, folks, this is it for me. I am now flying solo, and my future will be determined by all of my courage, intelligence, wit, and resources that I currently have at hand.

I have many foes, but many more friends. I have many challenges, but much more in the way of hope. I have withstood the Test of Time; now to stand the Test of Truth.

I walk from the comfortable nook and into the kiln. I slip out of the frying pan and directly into the fire. There is no going back; this is my Rubicon.  No more time for fear; no more time for anguish. No more excuses; no more distractions.

All eyes are on me as I jump from the cliff already crumbling anyway. I will either fly or connect with the ground in not a pretty way. I feel like a turkey but must sail like a dove. I am falling like a rock but must float like a balloon.

In a short time now, you will know the True Fred. And that is that.

As I stood on the Shores of Infinity, a break in the Serenity occurred, and for an instant the Ocean was replaced by the fiery Tarpits of Flajann. Flajann, the Indestruction; Flajann, the Austere; Flajann, the Giver and Receiver of Infinite Justice with Perfect filamentary tendrils reaching out to all Existence.

Awoke, I stood watching the backdrop of a smoky orange-red extent to the horizon beneath a sinking Sun . I silently contemplated this phase of Existence and its Significance as the Sun became increasingly obscured by the rising black and grey pillars of sadness as far as the eye can see.

I looked down at my hands in despair. The failure of my hands were rather complete, not being able to hold on to the oceanic serenity. For the replacement of the soft crashing of the ocean waves to be replaced by the horrid crackling sound of things burning is quite a loss, indeed.

Somewhere from within a Determination to Not Loose All Hope flashed forward, hands giving off a faint blue-violet glow, which instantly shifted the Shores of Infinity back to the Ocean, with its familiar crashing waves and receding tides.

Even though I now stand amidst the tides again, I stand shaken. For I deal with Universal Forces that are no mean feat to control and guide, and yet I must tunnel though Reality to create a Future despite the Tarpits that always seek dominance at the edge of my perception.

Yet I shall move forward even as I am shaken, because the 2 stars in the distant horizon are worth my while. I therefore fill the present with Future Realities  Serene to combat the Tarpits.

This morning, I awoke a New Man.

You see, I came to a rather simple realization. For all of those individuals who have tried to make me stumble throughout my life, it was not really due to a fault of my own, but theirs. You see, I simply exist, and as I exist, I seek to be great. I want to explore the universe of knowledge and understanding. I wish to accomplish many things. And indeed I have. As a kid, I educated myself in mathematics and science at a college level, even before reaching high school. While in high school, I kicked off my career as a software engineer without even knowing.

And here, after 30 years or so, I stand with many more notable accomplishments under my belt. And I’ve only just begun. I have my sights set on things far greater than anything I’ve accomplished to date.

In a real sense, I have been a giant among fools. Not that I exalt myself as being “superior”, but at the same time I must recognize that I am qualitatively different from your average bear.

So when others come to beat me down, it is not really due to a fault of my own, but to a fault of theirs. Far too long I have taken the blame for the fault of others. Far too long have I tried to find the flaw within me as an explanation for why others attack me. For too many years have I pointed the finger at myself rather than looking with the eyes of wisdom to recognize that it is not I that is the problem.

You see, we live in a world, a society, that is very good at foisting blame and guilt and shame on the individual. And sometimes the individual is at fault, but not always, you see.

As a giant, I sometimes make the fools tremble without knowing. Perhaps they are afraid of being crushed underfoot. Perhaps they are jealous they are not giants themselves. Perhaps their minds overflow with hatred.

Should I really care why a fool is a fool? It is incumbent upon me to diagnose their woes? Should not a fool take responsibility for her own self and solve her own problems?

If you are wondering why I use “her” instead of “his/her” or some other epicene phraseology, there is a good reason for that, but I’ll get to that later.

Where does my own responsibilities lie? Good question. Simple answer. My responsibilities lie in recognizing the fool for what she is, and for handling any damage the fool has caused, and for ensuring that I don’t become a fool myself.

That is to say, I can’t allow the farm to be lost because fools exist. Fools exist for sure, and fools will always be with us. Like the dust in the air, like the dirt in the sea, like the falling leaves, fools will always be. But the farm, the farm must be guarded at all costs. The farm must not be allowed to slip away to oblivion, to be raided, to be destroyed by pests, to grow with weeds due to despair. No. The farm must be guarded at all costs.

Let me explain my allegorical language above.

“The Farm” represents the body of my life’s accomplishments and the future “crop” they will yield. It is simple enough. The farm represents my life’s work and what great rewards that it may reap in the future.

The activity of fools always threaten that farm. Either directly thorough avarice, or indirectly through attrition. I must stand against the activity of fools, stand firm, stand guard. For my greatness lies in the farm. If I loose the farm, I have lost everything.

Lo, and I look upon the waters that extend to the horizon. The sunrise from the line shimmering the sky in intense hues of gold and blue amidst the cirrus clouds, assent to the apex to give warmth and light to the world. The gulls fly, the sand squeaks, the trees rustle in the oceanic morning breeze blowing in from afar, from thermals borne out of the rays of the sun.

For I am the sun to rise, to offer the world something terribly great and wonderful, that it might give life and enrich many. Including the fools that seek to make me stumble. They shall now flee in terror not due to me, but due to their own shortcomings. For, as I bear no responsibility for their attacks against me, neither shall I bear any responsibility for their own self-induced undoing. Like the leaves that fall to the earth and turn brown and crumble, so shall be the fools that would dare to cross paths with giants!

And now for why I use “her” and “she” when referring to fools.

You see, most of the fools in my life, in one capacity or another, who have crossed my path in their attempts to make me stumble, all tended to be female. This is simply an observation, not a plea for misogyny. I do not know why. Surely, there are equal numbers of fools in both sexes, but for some reason the ones who have tried to trip me up have been largely female. I have no explanation; only observations. Even when the fool is male, usually there was a female fool in the works that initiated the trouble. And oh yes, there are some males involved as well. Oh yes.

Can I stop a fool from being a fool? I don’t think so. But I can and will stand firm against a fool and prevent her from ripping everything away and from turning the farm into a desert.

I’m not feeling particulaly well right now, because I made a major snafu that may have cost me the future. It’s one of those minor things that snowballs into major consequences. But I will learn from this consequence and do better in the future.

Oh, and now I know how it feels to be abjectly stupid. Oh, how the great Fred has fallen.

Rochelle tried to claim “fault” in the divorce on the basis of “adultery”, which is a wash for two reasons:

1. She agreed with me for a polyamourous relationship
2. She has had an affair herself.