Fred’s Cozy Little Nook

Back when I was much, much younger, I veered off the path of my intellect and became “a believer” of Christianity. Not only was this a mistake but a great waste of 4 or 5 years of my life. But it did a lot of damage — all that stuff about heaven and hell and “god’s chosen” and what not. Oh man.

It took me another 3 or 4 years to return to my place of intellect. I had to re-examine all my beliefs, and later I would come to question the very nature of belief itself. I did not leave any stone unturned. I questioned everything and sought answers.

And this was an amazing time, because I did get answers, and I was made better for them. I saw the world — indeed, the entire universe — through new eyes, the eyes of Knowledge and Understanding.

I called this period of my life “The Reconstruction” — but really, it was more of a Renaissance than anything. I mean, there was so much I learned. Fractals opened up my eyes to new possibilities. Indeed, Fractals was very key in helping me understand how complexity can arise out of simplicity. That gave me a very powerful basis for being able to assert — to my own tortured brain — that “god” was not required for the existence of the Universe, contrary to years of the lies I had been fed by the Christians.

I went on to learn more and more — about Complex Dynamical Systems, Artificial Life, Self-Adaptive System, and the like. For the first time in my life, not only could I understand that a “god” was not only not required, but also extremely unlikely.

I then learned about Memes and Thought Contagions from the seminal book published by Aaron Lynch. I began to understand the underlying mechanisms behind “beliefs” and how they are transmitted and themselves evolve to retransmit themselves. This put not only religion in a new light, but politics, the media, and many other things about the human social animal.

This forever changed my perception of the human — basically, human beings are little more than hosts for completing memes, some of which also influence behavior , and the memes that program for their own retransmission tend to crowd out those less successful at doing so.

Wow, most humans are little more than Mindless Vessels of Beliefs. This makes for a very dim view of the human-nodes out there, a very frightening view, one that I wish were not true, but I cannot deny my own reasoning on the matter.

And so, such more or less concluded my First Renaissance. As the Star Child in 2010 said, “I used to be Dave Bowman”.

Many years spun by, many challenges, many attacks, many triumphs, and a couple of darling girls along the way. Both girls make me very proud.

And now, once again, I find myself at the crossroads. But this time it’s entirely different. This time, it’s not a wasted flirtation with religion and other frivolous beliefs, but one of misplaced trust that has betrayed 15-16 years of investing in the emotional and material well-being of another. You know, marriage. But it goes beyond that, really.

I also find that science and mathematics has progressed much in the intervening years, and I’ve fallen behind a bit. There are new sets of “terrible secrets” yet to be uncovered. There are the futures of my kids. There’s my own future, and those I care about. And there’s the future of the entire Human Race to consider, and how I might be an influence there.

And so the need for my “2nd Renaissance” is at hand.

I couldn’t live in a better area for it — Greater Boston — where I have contact and access to some of the finest libraries and minds in this country. I have many Very Big Goals for the future. They will by no means be easy to accomplish. But then, what’s life without a challenge?

And so I go forth into the desert…

It has caught my attention that MySQL is behaving like a tyrant with their Enterprise support policies. Basically, if your company has multiple servers running MySQL but only one is covered under its “Gold” ($2000 per sever per year), or its “Platinum” coverage ($5000 per server per year), MySQL might choose to sue you for the other machines not covered, even though you have never opened up a service request on them.

The details of this are still coming in, so stay tuned. This represents a black mark on MySQL in the eve of the Sun acquisition.  Since this predates the Sun acquisition, Sun Microsystems is “blameless” in all of this.

But this flies totally in the face of the entire notion of the FOSS concepts. If what I’ve heard turns out to be true, this will represent a black mark for the entire OpenSource community.

Alone I stand on the precipice looking out o’er the ocean

What dire unseen consequences lurks beneath the sinking sun

A darkness befalls us never to be had again

For beneath me…

What was blue and wet is now red and hot
What was calm and serene is now agitated and truculent
The Waves…

Like sand to glass the waves make
What was waves of cresting water are now flames licking the shore
What were curious creatures of the ocean are now demons aglow
What were mists are now plumes of smoke
What was a serene paradise is now an ocean of agony

I cry, for the land is barren and bereft of any joy

I try to hold a ray of hope in the face of untrouncable devastation

A face-lit dawn befalls a sea of troubles

The monsters come

The monsters ride the waves of fire

They are interested in you

They are known to you

They become you

They are you.

It would appear as though some people see me as a “threat”, a “danger”, and act out of fear of my presence even though I have done nothing to provoke such reactions. I am at a loss to understand why this happens.

It’s as though my very existence is some sort of “crime” or “threat”. But I don’t get that.

I normally would not care except those so predisposed to such misgivings oftentimes act on those fears, leaving me to deal with the fallout. I get to pay the price and they get to get away with it. I am told a lot of lame excuses, even things like “put yourself in their shoes”, as though there is some justification that I am supposed to be understanding about.

So not only do I “get into trouble” for merely existing, I am also supposed to understand and sympathize for those who would complicate my existence due to no fault of my own.

But such people can be quite devastating and cause a lot of damage. The bitter divorce I am going through right now is an indirect fallout of such behavior.

But these people go without consequence with their own lives. I am the one left holding the bag. They soon forget the trouble they’ve caused me; I tread water just to keep from sinking due to the fallout.

So why does this happen? What is the explanation? Am I truly the “most dangerous man alive” without even knowing it? And what makes me so “dangerous”, anyway?

Some tell me the reason is that I am a “intelligent black man”, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Makes no sense to me. Aside from my supposed intelligence the only other “dangerous” thing about me is my dermal chromatics. But I truly don’t see what’s so dangerous about that, either.

I care about a lot of people. Indeed, I care about the entire world. I attempt to do what little I can to make the world a better place for my kids, so that they may have a hope and a future. That they may grow up in a world that is wonderful and prosperous; that they may grow up in a world that appreciates intellect, accomplishment, and creativity.

But many stand in my way now, and many sit in judgment of me. Why? Why are so many so critical of who and what I am? Why is it that some automatically question me without knowing a darn thing about me, not even my very name? Why is it that I must always be “on alert” for the idiots of the world; that I cannot simply relax and enjoy life, even in my “advance age” of 46? Why, oh why?

All I want to do is look up at the stars at night. Wonder about the mysteries of quantum mechanics and how that couples with the macro world. Explore the deep unknowns of complex evolving systems and how everything in the universe ties into it. Or be astounded at the beauty of a single flower. Or create wonderful algorithms that no one thought of before. Or ponder the inscrutable aspects of number theory. Or get lost all the newest and latest discoveries on DNA and genetics in general. Or…

And yet what I get to put up with is anything but sublime. Some of the things I’ve been falsely accused of would astound you. Everything from “owing” $23,000,000 to the IRS to “kidnapping” my own wife and kids that willingly wanted to come home with me a few years back. Well, long story. And I’ve got a lot of them.

All I ever wanted to do was look up at the sky and see, experience, and understand the majesty of the universe. And share part of that wonder with my kids.

Am I such a bad person? You be the judge!